The Mask I Didn’t Know I Was Wearing

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I used to think I was just shy and tired.

That was the narrative I held onto for dear life, whenever I turned down plans, sat quietly in meetings, or avoided speaking up in groups. I knew I was simply introverted. Or burnt out. Or maybe both. But journaling, slowly, stubbornly, and softly, revealed something else entirely.

I wasn’t just quiet. I was hiding.

Not from the world exactly, but from a version of myself I didn’t know how to be yet.

The Mask in Childhood: “Good Girl Energy”

In elementary school, I wore the “good girl” mask. I always tried for straight A’s, used my inside voice, and always had my hands folded on my desk. I was the kid who never got in trouble and always followed the rules. And underneath that well-behaved exterior? A child who was quietly terrified of being too much. Too emotional. Too loud. Too wrong.

So I dimmed.

Even when I had big questions or curious thoughts, I swallowed them. I learned early on that approval came faster when I was agreeable and easy. I mistook “quiet” for “safe.”

The Mask in Adulthood: Overachiever Camouflage

Fast-forward to adulthood, and the mask shape-shifted into something more sophisticated: productivity.

I became the person who had it “together.” The planner. The one with systems and spreadsheets. If you needed someone reliable, that was me. I managed chronic illness, full-time work, raising children, and part-time dreams all at once, like I was auditioning for a gold medal in resilience.

But underneath all the polished to-do lists and externally measured success, I was exhausted. Not just physically, but emotionally. Spiritually. I didn’t know who I was outside of being “useful.”

Looking back, I realize the mask didn’t just cover my face. It covered my needs. My creativity. My softness. My actual truth.

The Turning Point: When a Journal Cracked Me Open

The unmasking wasn’t dramatic. It didn’t come from a breakdown or a breakthrough. It came slowly, while journaling in my Scribe.

One morning, I wrote in my journal: “I feel like I’m faking it all the time. But I’m not sure who I’m faking it for.”

That question haunted me.

So I kept writing.

At first, I told myself I was just journaling to process burnout. Or to find clarity for my business. But what actually happened was deeper: I met myself. For real. Not the version that played it safe or smiled through discomfort. But the messy, vulnerable, emotionally rich human who had spent decades shape-shifting to be palatable.

I discovered I was wearing a mask called “competent.” Another one called “low maintenance.” And one more called “I’m fine.”

Naming them gave me power. Writing them down gave me space.

And slowly, I started asking different questions.

What if I let myself be seen as I actually am?
What would happen if I didn’t over-explain or overachieve?
Can I be loved and respected without the mask?

What Journaling Taught Me About Fear (and Freedom)

Here’s the truth I learned: The mask wasn’t just about hiding. It was about protection.

I wasn’t faking because I lacked integrity, I was masking because I was scared. Scared of rejection. Scared of disappointing people. Scared that if I showed the real me, she wouldn’t be enough.

But journaling made space for that fear to speak. And surprisingly, it didn’t yell, it whispered. It said:

You’re safe now. You don’t have to earn belonging anymore. It’s already yours.

That whisper was the beginning of freedom.

Not instant freedom. Not the kind that turns your life upside down in one glorious epiphany. But a slow, sustainable kind. The kind that builds trust with yourself over time.

Freedom, I’ve learned, often begins with simply naming what we’re afraid of.

The Gentle Work of Unmasking

If this resonates with you, if you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Am I really like this? Or is this just who I’ve learned to be?”, I want to offer a gentle invitation:

Spend a little time with yourself this week. Write something messy. Name a fear without fixing it.

Maybe even ask yourself: What mask have I been wearing to stay safe?

You don’t need to rip it off all at once. You can loosen the edges slowly, with tenderness. You can take it off in the presence of people who love you well, or just with yourself, in the pages of a private journal.

Unmasking isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about returning to who you already are.

A Free Tool to Help You Start

I created a free worksheet called “Unmasking Moments: A Gentle Journaling Guide.” It’s designed to help you explore the subtle ways we hide and how to slowly come home to yourself.

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10 Guided Journaling Prompts to Go Deeper

What version of myself do I present to others most often—and why?
When do I feel the need to “perform” or hide how I really feel?
What was I taught about being “too much” or “not enough” growing up?
What roles or labels have I clung to for safety?
When do I feel most at ease, like I don’t need to explain myself?
What am I afraid people will see if I let my guard down?
In what spaces or relationships do I feel safe to be unfiltered?
What emotions do I tend to suppress to seem composed?
What mask do I wear in my business or creative work?
What would it look like to show up as the full, real me—just for today?

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